hameru no

[spacialeyes]

catchy heading tba

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[spacialeyes]

[It didn’t actually surprise Yuuto when he wound up back at Inaba’s house. He couldn’t confidently describe anything that he was feeling. Grieving had long since drained him of the energy he needed to think straight. For a while, he had made an effort to find new times and spaces to live in. Yuuto had wanted to keep his promise to move on and find new happiness.

But here he was. And “when” he was. Staring at a familiar name plate, at a familiar house.

Yuuto stood blankly at the front door. All of his normal anxieties about being in a new world, replacing another Yuuto, were too exhausting to think about. He wasn’t even thinking when he pressed the button of the house’s doorbell. Later, he would realize that he was on autopilot. He was so detached that he thought he was dreaming, so was just going along with the old flow of things. It would be a while before he felt well enough to panic about what he’d done.]

[dereban]

--I got the door!

[ The familiar voice can be heard loudly coming from inside the house as she goes ahead and opens the door and what she sees is enough for her hazel eyes to widen in an obvious surprise. ]

Yuuto? You're actually... here?

[spacialeyes]

[Yuuto matches her expression with his own wide eyed surprise. She's really there. And she looks so young. It's like he's gone back to when he first-

Oh.

He looks at his hand briefly, noting that some of his recent scars aren't there anymore. Still too tired to panic, or fully piece together the puzzling situation he's created, Yuuto lowers his hand and looks back at Inaba. Too dazed to smile, unsure of how to react or if any of this is even real. He watches her quietly, before shaking his head.]

... I don't know? Am I? [He is genuinely unsure.]

[dereban]

What kind of question is that--

[ She brings her hands to his cheeks and tugs at them hard. ]

There. Is that proof enough for you?

[spacialeyes]

[He does briefly muster enough of a reaction to help softly and then pout when she lets go. It feels real and that does set some alarm bells off, but he doesn’t act on his own internal warning yet.

Yuuto knows this is wrong. By being here in any capacity, he’s breaking his promise to move on. But he’s not sure what it happening and how to safely exit yet.

So he nods, slowly and quietly, while moving a hand to rub his cheek. Tears are beginning to form in the corners of his eyes, but he does his best to ignore.]

I-I guess I am here, huh..? I’m sorry. I messed up…

[dereban]

Huh?

[ Inaba sounds surprised, especially when the tears start forming from his eyes. They're definitely enough of a surprise to her that she finds herself creasing her brow in worry. ]

Wait, look... do you want to talk about it? We can go upstairs instead of having you stand out here.

[spacialeyes]

I don't know, but... Mm. I shouldn't stand in the doorway like this. People will stare...

[dereban]

[ The fact that he says that he doesn't know is worrying to her, and it's enough for her to frown and reach out for his hand. ]

Alright. I'll bring you upstairs. If aniki asks, I'll tell him that you're a friend.

[ She'll at least tug him inside her house. ]

[spacialeyes]

Yes. I'm terribly sorry.

[He reaches for her hand, briefly recoils, and then settles on a proper grip. It feels strange... She's so warm. And as much as Yuuto wants to grip her hand tightly and never lets go, he knows that what he's doing- what he's done,- is wrong.

He's always going to be a weak, terrible sort of person.]

How are you doing..?

[dereban]

You keep apologizing.

[ She pauses before pulling him in past the doorway, closing and locking the door behind her. ]

Well. I'll get whatever it is out of you when we're upstairs. I don't want anyone overhearing, after all. But as for how I'm doing... I don't know. Just being able to be home like this is... it's surreal.

[spacialeyes]

[He can’t argue. Yuuto doesn’t know what to feel except for sorry. He’s done something terrible and doesn’t know how fix it yet.

Some of his anxiety is soothed when he hears that she isn’t doing poorly.]

Am I late..? Have you been home for very long?

[dereban]

I haven't been back for very long.

[ She goes back up the stairs and leads him into her rather spacious bedroom. Taking a seat at the edge of her bed, she pats it by the side as a gesture to have him sit next to her. ]

I honestly don't know what I expected, being here.

[spacialeyes]

[It feels weird to be in her old bedroom again. For Yuuto, it's been decades since they lived here. He hesitates before joining her on the bed, caught between seeking comfort and feeling he deserves to suffer.

When he does sit next to her, Yuuto sighs in relief.]

But everything's going okay..? 'They' aren't bothering you?

[dereban]

I wouldn't know. I've never met 'them'. But this world... it could be a replica that they created based on the original.

[spacialeyes]

I see… [He’s not sure what other information he needs, or can hope to obtain. He knows that he belongs in neither this world or its time.

Yuuto breaths in the steady himself.

He also knows that Inaba is his partner. It’s not fair to withhold extra information from her. She might get mad, but it’s better than lying.]

Himeko… No- Inaba-san, I-

I don’t know yet… if I’m ‘your’ Yuuto. I think I’ve done something wrong.

[dereban]

[ Hearing him switch from her first name to her last makes her heart break. ]

...Is that why you've been apologizing? What did you do?

[spacialeyes]

[It breaks his heart too. Yuuto can feel his self hatred coating his every thought and it takes effort to stop himself from spiraling.

Is he the ‘right’ Yuuto? Did he take her real partner away? How can he fix it? What if he is meant to be here? Did he turn back time and erase their future and all of the people in it?

Yuuto can feel himself begin to tremble even before his voice starts to shake.]

I- I think… I’m from the future..? You were gone… I was looking for a new place to live a-and suddenly I was here, I- Aaah…

[Knowing his expression is awful, Yuuto covers his face and tries to calm down.]

[dereban]

I see. That means 'I' failed, huh...

[ Her frown deepens as she lets out a heavy sigh hefore speaking up again. ]

Alright, I've decided, then.

[spacialeyes]

I don’t think that you failed anything..? You were- [Using past tense hurts, even when she’s right here. Or maybe, especially because she’s right here.] You were really amazing…

[Yuuto pauses, breathing in to calm himself before speaking again.]

Oh? Is it something that I can help you with..?

[dereban]

No. If you're here, then it means that I failed fundamentally. I know this may be selfish on both of our parts, but... as long as you're [the Yuuto that loves Inaba Himeko]. That's all I need.

[spacialeyes]

That’s not true..! You were amazing! You didn’t fail anything. You lived a really amazing life, I-

[He wants to say that he remembers the details, but Yuuto stops. Because he doesn’t. It occurs to him that his memories are getting hazy and he can’t fully recall them.

A distressing realization, which is shaken by her declaration.]

Eh- But.. Himeko- I, Inaba! San? I’m really stupid! I’m a really stupid Yuuto, so… You could do better??

[dereban]

I already knew that you were an idiot.

[ She says without a single shred of hesitation. ]

That doesn't change my feelings, if you're willing to accept them. Don't get me wrong, though. If you did replace the Yuuto that was meant to be here, I'm mad about that. But that doesn't mean that I can't love more than one Yuuto. I'm a really greedy girl, after all.

[spacialeyes]

[Yuuto’s tail flinches. This is the first time since he arrived that his power- his soul,- has had such a strong reaction. At least signaling that he’s there.

He nods in agreement.]

And if I’ve done something to your Yuuto, then I swear that I’ll bring him back. No matter what.

[Yuuto meets her gaze again. His throat feels tight and he can feel his heart breaking just from hearing those words. But even trying as hard as he can, he can’t say them back. Not without beginning to cry, anyway. Though this body still doesn’t remember how to produce tears.]

I- I love you too… Himeko… I’m so sorry… I was too greedy and weak..!

[dereban]

[ She wraps one of her arms around him before making the attempt to pull him close to her. ]

... it's-- [ No, she can't say that it's entirely fine. ] I'll figure something out. But I'll be here for you, as long as you'll have me.

[spacialeyes]

[Ever since she died, Yuuto has told himself that he can’t be upset. They both knew that it would happen and he had promised to be okay. He wanted to keep that promise and had pushed himself to find a new home.

But he sinks into her embrace all too easily. All of the grief and despair that he had been traveling with rushes forward, because he’s home again. He’s safe enough to feel it.

Without meaning to, Yuuto leans closer and brings an arm around her too. Quietly crying, no sure what to say. The most she gets is a broken sob-]

I miss you… Himeko..! I miss you so much…