Yumeno, Yuuto (夢乃 , 優糖) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
spacialeyes) wrote2023-05-16 04:02 pm
spacialeyes) wrote2023-05-16 04:02 pm
closed | starsand | confronting speck
It was much easier to confront Speck in theory than in practice.
Since watching them argue with Inaba, Yuuto had been burying a mess of emotions. He knew that Inaba could handle herself just fine; She didn't need his help and he trusted her when she said that she would handle Speck herself. Yet when he saw her expression darken, his power had activated to keep Speck seated out of habitual concern. After the speed friending ended, Yuuto waited. He waited and he wondered what he should do. He wanted to go straight to Inaba and make sure that she really was okay, but...
After a hesitating moment, having tried to make eye contact with her and bowed his head to acknowledge his decision, Yuuto took off after Speck instead.
He caught up with them in one of the hallways on an upper floor. Their nonchalant walk had picked up pace when they heard him and he wouldn't be surprised if they bolted, so he called out;
"Speck-san! I need to talk to you!"
They stopped.
Yuuto, too, stopped a foot from their turned back. The emotions that he wanted to bury were crawling out of their grave, clawing at the barriers that he put up with keep himself polite. He needed to stay kind. He needed to stay understanding. If he let this kind of emotion run rampant in his eternal heart, then he was going to spend that eternity miserable. Yuuto knew that well... Speck had been the one to warn him against grudges or hatred.
But before they had any chance to explain themselves, Yuuto continue on in an angry tone, "I don't know what you said to Inaba... and I don't care. She's doing her best to make everyone happy and to hold a peaceful event. She's been working so hard, so... so keep your shit together and stop bothering her!"
Speck's posture remained still. They did not so much as flinch when Yuuto yelled at them. Between them both, it was Yuuto who was shaking and carrying nervousness in his posture. Even with their back turned, Speck could hear his belt rattling when he trembled. So they did not waste their respect by turning around to look at him.
"You don't care? Even if I was defending you?"
He swallowed his reflexive desire to understand, then shook his head. "I don't need to be defended from Inaba. She's my best friend and partner."
"Is that so?" Speck kept their gaze forward, even as they heard his trembling sneak into his voice. So weak. He had always been so weak and fragile... Yet he could break, over and over, while still choosing to stand again. Speck, on the other hand...
They sighed. "Do you remember what you were like before we met? That lifeless doll of a person, who existed to fulfill a role and be played with by his family? Back then, you were just the wish that Satou-san made... You were her toy, masquerading as a son. And you couldn't even hurt over it."
The strange segue got Yuuto to blink and settle his anger to a confused simmer.
"That... That wasn't true. She didn't think of me that way. I am her son... I didn't need to hurt, because I... I love my family..."
"And yet, they never one loved you. Not truly. You were a pitiful secret that they kept hidden away, for fear of how you would struggle in a world where time moved without you. They knew that it would be hard on you to lose friends between worlds, or to be forced to entertain friendships you didn't remember forming. And they knew how hard it would be for others to love and lose you, over and over. Because it hurt them too. Omichron found you burdensome. Tau had to sacrifice her life to your care. Your father regretted his wish. Your mother died of grief when she learned what you really were.
So they locked you away... They had no plan for how to save you, except to hope that one day you'd die quietly. I stepped in to try to break your cycle and get you to stop plaguing them, but as soon as we broke up? You went right back to them."
Yuuto felt his feelings further settle into confusion, until it was all that plagued his mind. He didn't know what to say to all of that. For a few seconds, he felt himself drowning in the memory of his cycling life and the self-hatred that came with it. He had been his family's curse. They locked him away out of pity... and regret. And he kept coming back, even when he learned what he did to them. Somewhere in that mess of feelings, he remembered how Inaba had looked when talking to Speck. He wanted to yell at them for hurting him and worrying Inaba, and to stand his ground against them, but-
He lowered his head when he realized what Speck's point was.
If he did that, then he might have to admit that Speck wasn't the only one who had wronged him. His family had- He'd wronged his family- He'd been wronged by them- He was hurt, he was a curse, he deserved it, he knew all of this about himself and he still chased new relationships, new people to hurt, new ways to spread his cursed life to others, without enough remorse to stop himself-
Yuuto gasped, realizing that he'd been holding his breath.
"... When it happens again, you're going to be hurt. I thought I'd save you from that." Speck shrugged, "Those like us can only hurt others by existing. Until you learn to choose not to be in pain, I'll keep you safe. That's the least that I can do for your mother."
They waited a moment, wondering if he'd reply... But he didn't. So Speck kept walking forward, deciding to leave Yuuto to melt into the typical puddle of despair. It might do him some good, they thought, to be reminded of why he had needed to be so lonely. They were approaching the elevator and had just pressed the button when Yuuto snapped out of it. His footsteps sped after them faster than they could react and, when they turned around, they found Yuuto was cornering them against the elevator doors.
"Don't change the subject, Speck! This isn't about me! This is about you trying to hurt Inaba!" Yuuto snapped angrily, "But sure, I'll bite. Maybe it was like that before. Maybe I got hurt and hurt people, but it's different now! I'm changing my fate. I'm going to be happy and I'm going to get hurt, and hurt people, and apologize.... and I'll get up again, over and over, because I like being alive! Inaba is part of that for me... So don't go near her again if your intention is to upset her, got it? I won't forgive you next time!"
The elevator doors slowly opened, allowing Speck to stumble backwards inside. When the door closed, they separated Speck from Yuuto's fierce glaring. They heard his footsteps leaving in the opposite direction, while Speck themselves stood in stunned silence. It wasn't until someone else called the elevator that it started moving: Speck was too shocked to press a button themselves.
Since watching them argue with Inaba, Yuuto had been burying a mess of emotions. He knew that Inaba could handle herself just fine; She didn't need his help and he trusted her when she said that she would handle Speck herself. Yet when he saw her expression darken, his power had activated to keep Speck seated out of habitual concern. After the speed friending ended, Yuuto waited. He waited and he wondered what he should do. He wanted to go straight to Inaba and make sure that she really was okay, but...
After a hesitating moment, having tried to make eye contact with her and bowed his head to acknowledge his decision, Yuuto took off after Speck instead.
He caught up with them in one of the hallways on an upper floor. Their nonchalant walk had picked up pace when they heard him and he wouldn't be surprised if they bolted, so he called out;
"Speck-san! I need to talk to you!"
They stopped.
Yuuto, too, stopped a foot from their turned back. The emotions that he wanted to bury were crawling out of their grave, clawing at the barriers that he put up with keep himself polite. He needed to stay kind. He needed to stay understanding. If he let this kind of emotion run rampant in his eternal heart, then he was going to spend that eternity miserable. Yuuto knew that well... Speck had been the one to warn him against grudges or hatred.
But before they had any chance to explain themselves, Yuuto continue on in an angry tone, "I don't know what you said to Inaba... and I don't care. She's doing her best to make everyone happy and to hold a peaceful event. She's been working so hard, so... so keep your shit together and stop bothering her!"
Speck's posture remained still. They did not so much as flinch when Yuuto yelled at them. Between them both, it was Yuuto who was shaking and carrying nervousness in his posture. Even with their back turned, Speck could hear his belt rattling when he trembled. So they did not waste their respect by turning around to look at him.
"You don't care? Even if I was defending you?"
He swallowed his reflexive desire to understand, then shook his head. "I don't need to be defended from Inaba. She's my best friend and partner."
"Is that so?" Speck kept their gaze forward, even as they heard his trembling sneak into his voice. So weak. He had always been so weak and fragile... Yet he could break, over and over, while still choosing to stand again. Speck, on the other hand...
They sighed. "Do you remember what you were like before we met? That lifeless doll of a person, who existed to fulfill a role and be played with by his family? Back then, you were just the wish that Satou-san made... You were her toy, masquerading as a son. And you couldn't even hurt over it."
The strange segue got Yuuto to blink and settle his anger to a confused simmer.
"That... That wasn't true. She didn't think of me that way. I am her son... I didn't need to hurt, because I... I love my family..."
"And yet, they never one loved you. Not truly. You were a pitiful secret that they kept hidden away, for fear of how you would struggle in a world where time moved without you. They knew that it would be hard on you to lose friends between worlds, or to be forced to entertain friendships you didn't remember forming. And they knew how hard it would be for others to love and lose you, over and over. Because it hurt them too. Omichron found you burdensome. Tau had to sacrifice her life to your care. Your father regretted his wish. Your mother died of grief when she learned what you really were.
So they locked you away... They had no plan for how to save you, except to hope that one day you'd die quietly. I stepped in to try to break your cycle and get you to stop plaguing them, but as soon as we broke up? You went right back to them."
Yuuto felt his feelings further settle into confusion, until it was all that plagued his mind. He didn't know what to say to all of that. For a few seconds, he felt himself drowning in the memory of his cycling life and the self-hatred that came with it. He had been his family's curse. They locked him away out of pity... and regret. And he kept coming back, even when he learned what he did to them. Somewhere in that mess of feelings, he remembered how Inaba had looked when talking to Speck. He wanted to yell at them for hurting him and worrying Inaba, and to stand his ground against them, but-
He lowered his head when he realized what Speck's point was.
If he did that, then he might have to admit that Speck wasn't the only one who had wronged him. His family had- He'd wronged his family- He'd been wronged by them- He was hurt, he was a curse, he deserved it, he knew all of this about himself and he still chased new relationships, new people to hurt, new ways to spread his cursed life to others, without enough remorse to stop himself-
Yuuto gasped, realizing that he'd been holding his breath.
"... When it happens again, you're going to be hurt. I thought I'd save you from that." Speck shrugged, "Those like us can only hurt others by existing. Until you learn to choose not to be in pain, I'll keep you safe. That's the least that I can do for your mother."
They waited a moment, wondering if he'd reply... But he didn't. So Speck kept walking forward, deciding to leave Yuuto to melt into the typical puddle of despair. It might do him some good, they thought, to be reminded of why he had needed to be so lonely. They were approaching the elevator and had just pressed the button when Yuuto snapped out of it. His footsteps sped after them faster than they could react and, when they turned around, they found Yuuto was cornering them against the elevator doors.
"Don't change the subject, Speck! This isn't about me! This is about you trying to hurt Inaba!" Yuuto snapped angrily, "But sure, I'll bite. Maybe it was like that before. Maybe I got hurt and hurt people, but it's different now! I'm changing my fate. I'm going to be happy and I'm going to get hurt, and hurt people, and apologize.... and I'll get up again, over and over, because I like being alive! Inaba is part of that for me... So don't go near her again if your intention is to upset her, got it? I won't forgive you next time!"
The elevator doors slowly opened, allowing Speck to stumble backwards inside. When the door closed, they separated Speck from Yuuto's fierce glaring. They heard his footsteps leaving in the opposite direction, while Speck themselves stood in stunned silence. It wasn't until someone else called the elevator that it started moving: Speck was too shocked to press a button themselves.