[He watches and listens. It’s easier to understand Ryoko’s worry about Taiga running away when he sees her avoidant gaze like that. And it would be easy to feel touched by that answer and selfishly glad to hear it.
Maybe he does a little. But not enough to lose focus.]
And what about Ryoko’s idea of ‘home?’
[…] I think it’s similar for Ryoko. I think that to Ryoko, ‘home’ is being with people that she loves and can come back to. So… she’s in a confusing situation, you know? Her heart is in so many places now. The idea of ‘home’ is probably really hard for you both…
[And he pauses to let Taiga give her own opinion. And maybe reframe the question that Ryoko keeps asking.]
I know… sh-she has people she’d want to see again. Whenever she talks about them, I can tell… A-and it’s not like I don’t have people I’d want to see, b-but…
[ it’s different.
except for the part where it isn’t, the part that taiga can’t come to terms with. because taiga aisaka has learned that her own happiness is fleeting, time and time again. the people around her find happiness, and life moves on. whenever she’s tried to find her own happiness, it seems to go wrong and she’s left picking up the pieces.
[It sounds like there’s a lot that Taiga needs to unpack there. Yuuto does consider if he should try to talk about it, but he remembers what Ryoko said about Taiga running. He hesitates. Reconsiders.
Then shakes his head.]
“Happy” for a couple is… different, a bit. You both have your own happiness, then you come together to make a third.
[And his voice gets softer. Yuuto doesn’t want to talk about the relationship he just broke off. He feels sick with worry and guilt, but pushes through it.]
If you’re both going to make that third ‘happiness,’ that shared ‘home,’ then you need to know each other’s individual feelings too. The good and bad… I think Ryoko wants to become ‘home’ for you. Just… That idea is really confusing for you both. It’s hard to ask a question directly when you don’t understand it.
[ ah, fuck. there’s the first sniffle. it completely derailed things with ryoko, and now this was going to go wrong, too. taiga pulls her knees to her chest despite being in a booth, shrinking into herself. ]
Ugh—sorry, it’s… I’m fine, just…
[ pull yourself together damnit ]
Wh-what if… she realises she doesn’t wanna? Am I gonna… just be in the way a-again?
[Ow. It isn’t Taiga’s fault that her question hurts. And it isn’t as if he came here thinking he could talk about couples without splintering his own heart further. Yuuto takes a few seconds to arrange a wall with their menus to guard any sight of Taiga. Then he buys himself more time to offer his napkin.
How many times did he ask Akutagawa that? ”Am I in the way? Am I too difficult to love?” How many times was he sincerely reassured, loved, and convinced?
Only to throw it all away. He’s been talking about ‘love’ as ‘home,’ because that’s what it was to him. Akutagawa was going to be his home, after centuries of being lost. But Yuuto decided he was in the way. He was always going to be in the way. He was going to be too difficult to love.
What right does he have to reassure Taiga right now? He’s the one who does the leaving in relationships.
Huh. This sucks. But at least he’s good at smiling.]
If you two feel like you’re ‘in the way,’ then you can move things around together. Like when you moved in. It took you a while to figure out how to arrange your belongings with hers, right? What to keep, what matched, what to throw away or replace or fix.
It’ll be exhausting and hard, but you can do the same for hearts and feelings. You have to move your hearts in together too or… something? [He’s losing his own metaphor.
Listen, as long as he doesn’t start crying then he considers this a win.]
[ taiga snatches the napkin immediately, thankful that yuuto is that weirdo who wouldn’t hesitate to make a menu fort in public when faced with a crying tiger. it’s more than a bit embarrassing that their food comes right as taiga wipes tears away, but that’s life.
her parfait goes untouched while she tries to comprehend the wandering metaphor. moving in your hearts together? does he write poetry when he’s not doing important Kami things? it does become less of a jumble in her head, and when it finally does…
she laughs a bit. ]
I really haven’t changed much, huh?
[ another sniffle, a hitched breath, and she tries to continue. ]
M-moving in… really is hard. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like home, e-even if it’s supposed to… But that’s not always someone’s fault, if there isn’t room…
I-I don’t feel like that here. Everyone keeps making sure there’s room…
[Don’t worry, Taiga. Yuuto is here to try to keep things from getting awkward. For all of his ability to be silly and do hijinks, Yuuto also knows how to appear normal. Actually, he’s probably better at that than he is at being silly. Which says a lot after last night.
Listening to her… He again suspects that there’s more happening under those tears. And though he doesn’t want to push, he senses that Taiga has opened a locked door in her heart at least a crack. He doesn’t want to take that for granted, so leans into the metaphor that masks their true feelings.]
Mm. It really is different here… and I’ve been ‘here’ for a long time. What makes ‘here’ so special isn’t the world itself or the time. It’s the people.
Like Ryoko. She always makes room. Not because it’s trouble, but because she likes to have people to care about… She wants to make room for you to feel comfortable. So trust her, please. Let her keep making room for you. Unpacking one box at a time is okay. It’d be easy to ignore the boxes, but it won’t really feel like home until they’re all taken care of, right?
[ everyone LOVES metaphors and hypotheticals that are definitely not based on anything real, how else would you discuss tough topics? with WORDS? it’s still working, so much so that taiga pokes at her parfait.
he’s right, too… she got so used to shoving boxes out of the way, worried it would be a hassle when the inevitable repacking happened, that it didn’t feel like she had another option. nyoi-cho didn’t help that, with how dangerous it was and how dysfunctional they were as a group. ]
Mmm… I think I kinda get it…
I wish it wasn’t so hard to do. I-If I get it wrong… [ this is a stupid worry. ] If everything goes wrong… I just leave a mess. [ maybe not so stupid, in the context of january. ]
[Boy Howdy does he ever feel that one. Yuuto still can’t pick at the waffles properly. He’s just cutting them into smaller and smaller pieces, trying not to think too hard about this metaphor. It’s working for Taiga. He can’t think about how he’s packing up to leave Akutagawa. He can’t think about how nice it felt to physically unpack together back in December.
He breaths out to steady himself. Taiga first. If she’s happy, his unhappiness will be negated. That’s math.]
Mm, it’s scary. It might messy sometimes… But you’ll learn to clean up. Together.
Ah… [Ugh. Yuuto fixes his smile and steadies his voice,] Akutagawa and I had a lot of disagreements. One time I yelled and threw paper at him and ran away… But we had practiced disagreeing before then. So when it happened like that, we knew how to navigate it. He came after me every time… because he loves me.
I-I was glad that we’d argued a bit before… Because it made me less scared to disagree. And less scared to take up space… It made me trust him more. And when he explained his feelings, I got to know him more. I fell in love with him a bit more each time…
[Yuuto just… stuffs a bite of waffle in his mouth. And decides to be so rude, mumbling passed his fork, that Taiga can’t possibly worry.]
So maybe some messes would be a good thing, Aisaka-san. If you two get too scared to disagree, you’re going to miss out on a lot of sides of each other. When it feels hard or uncomfortable, just… breathe in, and remember that you love her. And she loves you. And if you have doubts, then her prove it to you.
[ Akutagawa... Riiiiiiiiight, that's... a thing... She's just going to deal with the "oh no I'm being an ass" feelings later. Maybe.
While he's speaking through a mouthful of waffles, Taiga picks out every individual strawberry from her parfait to eat. It gives her time to truly consider what Yuuto was trying to say.
How... many times had she just shut down a difficult conversation, hoping the problem would resolve itself? Even worse, how many times did that actually work? She can't recall a single time. Taiga's wish was nothing more than an extreme version of it, and look how well that worked out. ]
Ugh... Why do you have to be right... N-not that it's... bad that you're right, but...
[ Taiga moves onto the bits of cake mixed in the parfait. ]
I-It... probably really sucks to have to chase after someone, doesn't it...
[For what it’s worth, Yuuto never lets his smile drop. He might soften the edges to focus more on comforting Taiga than being happy, but he doesn’t let himself frown. He won’t let himself think or feel too deeply about himself. Akutagawa wouldn’t want for him to be so hurt.
And yet, he can’t help the way that his expression changes and his smile does become sad. He has experience chasing someone too. Someone, who by all accounts he loves far more than he should. Who closed so many doors in his face and still runs from him when it’s hard. How does that make him feel? And would that help Taiga to know?]
… I’m sorry. This may not be the answer that applies to Ryoko… it also might not be the correct answer. But-.
[He breaths in. Clearing his head, focusing on the logic of these memories and not the feelings. This isn’t about his icky and wrong emotions.]
If you love someone then, um… For me, at least. You don’t just love who they are now. You fall in love with their present, but you fall in love with their future too. It’s the journey together that you want…
You don’t have to be perfect, Aisaka-san. Ryoko and you have a long time to grow together. You can be messy and scared, or angry or sad… Your darkness and your flaws and the strength you use to cope with them make you very beautiful to Ryoko, I’m sure of it, um.
Someone who loves you will see you run and want to be the person you run to. If Ryoko isn’t that person yet, then she probably wants to be. You… You should talk about it… and work on it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Maybe he does a little. But not enough to lose focus.]
And what about Ryoko’s idea of ‘home?’
[…] I think it’s similar for Ryoko. I think that to Ryoko, ‘home’ is being with people that she loves and can come back to. So… she’s in a confusing situation, you know? Her heart is in so many places now. The idea of ‘home’ is probably really hard for you both…
[And he pauses to let Taiga give her own opinion. And maybe reframe the question that Ryoko keeps asking.]
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I know… sh-she has people she’d want to see again. Whenever she talks about them, I can tell… A-and it’s not like I don’t have people I’d want to see, b-but…
[ it’s different.
except for the part where it isn’t, the part that taiga can’t come to terms with. because taiga aisaka has learned that her own happiness is fleeting, time and time again. the people around her find happiness, and life moves on. whenever she’s tried to find her own happiness, it seems to go wrong and she’s left picking up the pieces.
there’s a frustrated, shaky sigh. ]
I-I don’t get it… I was happy… is she not…?
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Then shakes his head.]
“Happy” for a couple is… different, a bit. You both have your own happiness, then you come together to make a third.
[And his voice gets softer. Yuuto doesn’t want to talk about the relationship he just broke off. He feels sick with worry and guilt, but pushes through it.]
If you’re both going to make that third ‘happiness,’ that shared ‘home,’ then you need to know each other’s individual feelings too. The good and bad… I think Ryoko wants to become ‘home’ for you. Just… That idea is really confusing for you both. It’s hard to ask a question directly when you don’t understand it.
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Ugh—sorry, it’s… I’m fine, just…
[ pull yourself together damnit ]
Wh-what if… she realises she doesn’t wanna? Am I gonna… just be in the way a-again?
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How many times did he ask Akutagawa that? ”Am I in the way? Am I too difficult to love?” How many times was he sincerely reassured, loved, and convinced?
Only to throw it all away. He’s been talking about ‘love’ as ‘home,’ because that’s what it was to him. Akutagawa was going to be his home, after centuries of being lost. But Yuuto decided he was in the way. He was always going to be in the way. He was going to be too difficult to love.
What right does he have to reassure Taiga right now? He’s the one who does the leaving in relationships.
Huh. This sucks. But at least he’s good at smiling.]
If you two feel like you’re ‘in the way,’ then you can move things around together. Like when you moved in. It took you a while to figure out how to arrange your belongings with hers, right? What to keep, what matched, what to throw away or replace or fix.
It’ll be exhausting and hard, but you can do the same for hearts and feelings. You have to move your hearts in together too or… something? [He’s losing his own metaphor.
Listen, as long as he doesn’t start crying then he considers this a win.]
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her parfait goes untouched while she tries to comprehend the wandering metaphor. moving in your hearts together? does he write poetry when he’s not doing important Kami things? it does become less of a jumble in her head, and when it finally does…
she laughs a bit. ]
I really haven’t changed much, huh?
[ another sniffle, a hitched breath, and she tries to continue. ]
M-moving in… really is hard. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like home, e-even if it’s supposed to… But that’s not always someone’s fault, if there isn’t room…
I-I don’t feel like that here. Everyone keeps making sure there’s room…
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Listening to her… He again suspects that there’s more happening under those tears. And though he doesn’t want to push, he senses that Taiga has opened a locked door in her heart at least a crack. He doesn’t want to take that for granted, so leans into the metaphor that masks their true feelings.]
Mm. It really is different here… and I’ve been ‘here’ for a long time. What makes ‘here’ so special isn’t the world itself or the time. It’s the people.
Like Ryoko. She always makes room. Not because it’s trouble, but because she likes to have people to care about… She wants to make room for you to feel comfortable. So trust her, please. Let her keep making room for you. Unpacking one box at a time is okay. It’d be easy to ignore the boxes, but it won’t really feel like home until they’re all taken care of, right?
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he’s right, too… she got so used to shoving boxes out of the way, worried it would be a hassle when the inevitable repacking happened, that it didn’t feel like she had another option. nyoi-cho didn’t help that, with how dangerous it was and how dysfunctional they were as a group. ]
Mmm… I think I kinda get it…
I wish it wasn’t so hard to do. I-If I get it wrong… [ this is a stupid worry. ] If everything goes wrong… I just leave a mess. [ maybe not so stupid, in the context of january. ]
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He breaths out to steady himself. Taiga first. If she’s happy, his unhappiness will be negated. That’s math.]
Mm, it’s scary. It might messy sometimes… But you’ll learn to clean up. Together.
Ah… [Ugh. Yuuto fixes his smile and steadies his voice,] Akutagawa and I had a lot of disagreements. One time I yelled and threw paper at him and ran away… But we had practiced disagreeing before then. So when it happened like that, we knew how to navigate it. He came after me every time… because he loves me.
I-I was glad that we’d argued a bit before… Because it made me less scared to disagree. And less scared to take up space… It made me trust him more. And when he explained his feelings, I got to know him more. I fell in love with him a bit more each time…
[Yuuto just… stuffs a bite of waffle in his mouth. And decides to be so rude, mumbling passed his fork, that Taiga can’t possibly worry.]
So maybe some messes would be a good thing, Aisaka-san. If you two get too scared to disagree, you’re going to miss out on a lot of sides of each other. When it feels hard or uncomfortable, just… breathe in, and remember that you love her. And she loves you. And if you have doubts, then her prove it to you.
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While he's speaking through a mouthful of waffles, Taiga picks out every individual strawberry from her parfait to eat. It gives her time to truly consider what Yuuto was trying to say.
How... many times had she just shut down a difficult conversation, hoping the problem would resolve itself? Even worse, how many times did that actually work? She can't recall a single time. Taiga's wish was nothing more than an extreme version of it, and look how well that worked out. ]
Ugh... Why do you have to be right... N-not that it's... bad that you're right, but...
[ Taiga moves onto the bits of cake mixed in the parfait. ]
I-It... probably really sucks to have to chase after someone, doesn't it...
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And yet, he can’t help the way that his expression changes and his smile does become sad. He has experience chasing someone too. Someone, who by all accounts he loves far more than he should. Who closed so many doors in his face and still runs from him when it’s hard. How does that make him feel? And would that help Taiga to know?]
… I’m sorry. This may not be the answer that applies to Ryoko… it also might not be the correct answer. But-.
[He breaths in. Clearing his head, focusing on the logic of these memories and not the feelings. This isn’t about his icky and wrong emotions.]
If you love someone then, um… For me, at least. You don’t just love who they are now. You fall in love with their present, but you fall in love with their future too. It’s the journey together that you want…
You don’t have to be perfect, Aisaka-san. Ryoko and you have a long time to grow together. You can be messy and scared, or angry or sad… Your darkness and your flaws and the strength you use to cope with them make you very beautiful to Ryoko, I’m sure of it, um.
Someone who loves you will see you run and want to be the person you run to. If Ryoko isn’t that person yet, then she probably wants to be. You… You should talk about it… and work on it.